Bullying is not only physical and verbal. What if we told you that friendship bullying is a real and often ignored issue that's impacting our teens' emotional well-being? Today, we're shedding light on this delicate topic that often leads to feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, and anxiety in teenagers. Navigating the complex world of teenage friendships, while not easy, it's important to learn about the different forms of bullying and understanding how to identify if your teen is a victim.
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Speaker 2:
Hi parents, it's Renee. Welcome to another episode of the Empowered Parent podcast. I'm glad you're here. In this episode we're going to talk about bullying, but we're going to talk about it in the sense of friendship bullying, the impact that can have on teens and tweens, and what you can do as a parent to support your teen and help them understand what might be going on and what healthy relationships look like, and all of that.
Speaker 2:
So this is such an important and relevant issue, especially during the middle school years, but also into the high school years, because bullying among friends hits home.
Speaker 2:
When kids are bullied from so-called friends or their friend groups, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, anxiety, poor decision-making, just to feel accepted, to fit in, so they might make choices that they don't want to do because they're kind of bullied into it by their friend group, and if they don't do A, b or C, then they're going to be ignored or neglected or talked down to or made fun of or whatever that may be.
Speaker 2:
So bullying among friends is such a touchy subject and really really impacts kids on that deeper level, sometimes even then bullying from a stranger and there can be a long-term impact with bullying because bullying within friend groups can affect their ability to trust others as they go through life and meet other friends. If it's not addressed and handled and worked through during that time when teens don't understand what healthy relationships look like, they often won't see it for what it is and they will allow it to continue and fear of not fitting in and low self-esteem and low self-worth and we don't want that to continue because the longer it continues, the more of a wallflower your child could become or the teen or tween being bullied.
Speaker 2:
If bullying is allowed to continue within a group of friends, it can create a toxic environment that influences everyone in the group. So, even if your child is not the one being bullied, if they are in a friend group where somebody is being bullied, it can create a toxic environment for all the kids in the group. As parents, we want to be sure to not rush Friendship bullying under the rug. Can be really touchy and sometimes personal situation, because sometimes also the parents are friends or the view might have a relationship with the parents of the bully. Unfortunately, there's no right or wrong answer in exactly what to do when friendship bullying takes place, because a lot of different things are going to factor in as far as how to handle it, how much or how little you want to get involved, how to support your teen, and a lot of that is going to be dependent on things like your child's age, their personality, the severity of what's going on, the impact it's having on your child, and I don't want to negate the importance of you following your gut instinct as a parent, because that is often correct Usually it's correct. Having said all of that, we all know that no child deserves to be bullied ever, but understanding that friendship bullying can take a little extra finesse, as social implications are at stake as well as the heart. Parents, there are some things you can do to try to prevent and inform your child from becoming embroiled in this type of situation, and so I'm going to give you a few tips on how to help. The first one is really being sure that your teen or tween understands what a healthy relationship looks like. What to healthy friendships look like. That's when friends value each other. That's when friends respect each other. That's when friends have each other's back and they don't put them down. They don't talk down, they're happy for them. They don't make fun of them. They don't talk behind their back. It's really teaching our kids what this is, because it's not taught in schools and a lot of kids really don't know. Also, discussing different types of friendships. So you can have surface friends. They can have those deeper friendships. They can have school friends so that your kids know where to let kids into their heart, because some kids will let anyone in and they're not their true friends. And so what are healthy relationships? What are healthy dating relationships? What are healthy friendships? Kind of giving them a blueprint as to what that looks like so they know what to look for.
Speaker 2:
Number two is helping your child recognize the different types of bullying. But we want to have these conversations during times of calm. Maybe watch videos or movies. Mean Girls is a great movie that shows what the effects of bullying and kind of what it looks like. So if you haven't seen that yet, that's a great movie to watch with your teen or tween.
Speaker 2:
But because kids really need to know the different types of bullying, most kids when we think of bullying, they think of physical bullying Maybe pulling someone's hair, obviously getting into a fight, poking that, whatever that may be. So we often think of physical bullying. That's pretty clear. But there's also verbal bullying. There's social bullying, which is like exclusion and isolation, and that's where a lot of poor decision making can come in. If your child has low self-esteem or confidence, they're afraid of being excluded or isolated, so they get sucked in to doing things and making choices that don't feel good to them. That is bullying. And then, of course, there's cyber bullying. So physical, verbal, social and cyber are four main types of bullying that many teens and tweens experience.
Speaker 2:
And again, have these conversations during times that things are calm. Maybe watch a movie, watch some YouTube videos, make it kind of nonchalant and then try to bring in those conversations at a time when they're open to hearing or listening. Talk to your child. Number three about the importance of communication when bullying is going on, so that they don't internalize it, so they're more open to sharing what is happening, whether that's with you, whether that's with their teacher, whether that's with another trusted adult. We don't want our kids who are being bullied to internalize it and try to make up in their head what might be going on. So really having those open conversations with your kid and really that's why teen tween connection with their parents is so vital, because we want our kids to come to us when the going gets tough, not to social media, not to shove it down. We want them to be talking about what's happening so we can help them and we can support them. So communication and connection with your teen or tween is so vital for teen mental health, to help them get through the tough times, especially things like friendship bullying because it is so emotional and so impacts that heart space and so some signs of bullying just to be aware of.
Speaker 2:
If you see these, this doesn't mean your child is being bullied, it's just a red flag, obviously, physical symptoms, emotional and behavioral changes, things like sighted mood swings, withdrawal from family or friends or activities, changes in sleep. Suddenly their schoolwork drops, their academic performance, their work performance, their sports performance kind of goes down and then maybe they're afraid to go places. They're maybe afraid to go to school, or they're afraid to go here, they're afraid to go there, so fear social isolation is a sign of bullying again being ignored, not invited, not included, difficulty concentrating, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, changes in friendship patterns. Your child may have difficulty making or maintaining friends because they've been bullied by friends in the past, or they may have a loss of previously close friends because something else is going on. And then some indicators of cyberbullying or unexplained withdrawal from online activities. Suddenly they don't want to do anything that they really enjoyed doing before, maybe gaming, for example. Changes in online behavior such as avoiding certain websites or social media platforms. That can be a good thing. It depends on the reasoning.
Speaker 2:
And then verbal signs. If they actually say to you, I'm afraid to do this, I'm afraid to do that, I'm afraid to be around this person, those are pretty good cues that something is probably going on. Also, frequent complaints of things like headaches or stomach aches. Suddenly this hurts or that hurts. Something else could be going on within their friend circle. Things start disappearing, maybe their lunch money disappears, valuables go missing without explanation. That could be a sign of bullying Kids that suddenly don't want to go to school or work. There could be something going on within those social dynamics and then emotional outbreaks that are not normal. Now kids have raw emotions.
Speaker 2:
Most of these don't necessarily indicate bullying is happening, but they are red flags and probably worth a conversation.
Speaker 2:
So it's just good for you to be aware. Often when teens and tweens are being bullied, especially from so called friends, they'll act like it's no big deal, but underneath they're probably experiencing feelings of embarrassment or shame or depression, fear, and they don't understand why it's going on. So friendship bullying is something really important that doesn't need to be addressed, and the best thing, one of the best things, is teaching kids from the start what healthy relationships are and making sure that you have a good connection with your teen or tween so you can have those important conversations when things like this occur. No child deserves to be bullied and we want teens to feel good about themselves so that they don't allow this to happen, so that they have the confidence to set boundaries and to decide who they're going to let into their heart, and so friendship bullying is a real touchy subject, but we don't want to just brush it under the rug. So I hope this was helpful and I will see you next time.
Speaker 1:
Thanks for joining us this week on the Empowered Parent Podcast. Be sure to subscribe so you'll never miss a show While you're at it. If you found value in this show, we'd appreciate a rating on iTunes, or if you'd simply tell a friend about the show, that would help us out too. Be sure to head over to reneesendingcom to pick up some parenting freebies, and remember teenagers want to be happy. Sometimes they just need a little help along the way.