Navigating the turbulent seas of parenting teenagers? We've got you covered! Step into the world of Empowered Parent Podcast where we unravel the complexities of teen and tween behavior. We promise an insightful journey that will equip you with the essential tips and tools to understand your teen's struggles better, maintain your sanity, and foster an environment of mutual respect and understanding. We delve into our personal experiences, offering wisdom from our victories and lessons learned from our challenges.
This episode gets real about the trials of parenting, exploring the art of dealing with teenagers who seem to be at war with everything, especially you. We discuss how their reactions hinge more on their inner conflicts and not about us as parents. We share practical advice on how to comprehend their emotional turmoil, track its roots, and guide them through these hard times. Furthermore, we tackle the daunting task of parenting teens and tweens, shedding light on the importance of controlling our behavior, taking care of ourselves, and imparting them with essential life skills of self-awareness, self-belief, self-confidence, and self-acceptance. Lastly, we provide valuable tips for fostering your teen's happiness and empowering them to make their own decisions. Join us for a journey of growth, learning, and empowerment!
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SOCIALS:
If you are looking for extra support, please don't hesitate to reach out. Send Renee an email at renee@teenesteemacademy.com
IMPORTANT FACEBOOK UPDATE: My FB was hacked recently, so there is not as much content as previously. I have created a new profile and FB community but it's acting up again. I've also got content on INSTAGRAM, YOUTUBE, and most recently, PINTEREST.
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OTHER HAPPENINGS:
RISE CONFIDENT [For Teens, Tweens, and their Parents]
A hybrid journey for teens and tweens to ACTIVATE Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance, Self-BELIEF, and Self-CONFIDENCE .
This journey be done solo-journey (with parent guidance of course), or with the added support of our teen/tween weekly catch up calls. Group coaching is a powerful modality of support for both teens and parents, as it helps you to feel like you are not the only one going through stuff!
RISE CONFIDENT TEEN TWEEN is our empowering SEL-inspired system, created specifically for this age group to Activate Confidence (the end result) through 3 powerful modules.
RISE CONFIDENT PARENT is an opportunity for you to get your questions and concerns answered on our weekly parent calls.
This journey is best suited for those between (11-15), though the content is relevant to all ages.
BETTER CONNECT MINDSET MASTERY
TEA's ongoing Parent Group separate from Rise Confident, but available as an add-on or as a stand-alone journey.
This is an opportunity to access a one-of-a-kind program, rooted in Energy Leadership that you can either work at your own pace (as it is a self-mastery program you will have lifetime access to), or join us for our weekly calls. 🙂
By the end of your journey I can all but guarantee that the lens through which you view the world and yourself will be different. Better different! Think improved relationships with less conflict, judgement, and worry, while also achieving
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Empowered Parent Podcast with Renee. Being a teenager is hard. Being a parent of a teenager can be even harder. Each episode we deliver tips, tools, tricks and stories to help you feel empowered, confident and energized as the parent of a teenager. Teenagers want to be happy. Sometimes they just need a little help along the way. Now here's your host, renee Sinning. Renee is a Certified Life Leadership and Success Coach for teenagers and their parents. She's also a mom of three young adults and an experienced high school educator of 18 years. Renee is well-versed in everything teen. Now, without any further ado, here's.
Speaker 2:
Renee.
Speaker 2:
Hi parents. It's Renee. Welcome to another episode of the Empowered Parent Podcast. I'm so glad you are here.
Speaker 2:
On this episode we are going to talk about dealing with a tough teen, or dealing with a situation where it just seems like your teenager hates you and you're really maybe not feeling too keen about them. At the same time, if you are listening to this podcast, you are most likely the parent or caregiver of a teen or tween, so I'm glad you are here because that means that you have probably had moments especially if you're dealing with a child that's a little harder to raise where you've had thoughts like my teen hates me or what am I doing wrong? They have a terrible attitude and I'm just tired of all the judgment and looks and smart, smart Alec remarks and sassiness. I'm tired of being compared to every other parents where your kids say you know they like their best friend's parents better. No one else's parents says this or does this or whatever, and feeling like they never want to spend time with you, like you virtually have no relationship other than a conflict of one. If this is you at all, then you probably feel pretty tired and I get you. We raised three kids. Our son Nick was tough. He was a tough teenager and there were many moments that I felt this exact way. So know that if this is you at the moment, as exhausting as it is, as frustrating as it is, as alone as you might feel, you are not alone. Sometimes parenting teens or tweens feels like the most thankless job, and sometimes it is because in the moment you are not getting any accolades. You give and give and give. You don't get right. Sometimes you don't get anything except sass and rudeness and expectations. They want you to drive them here to do this, for them to buy them that, and so what do you do? How do you deal with parenting teens during this season of life? So I'm going to give you a few tips based on experience and or things that I have found helpful in the families that I work with. So number one this is probably my biggest tip is try not to take things personally, because most likely their reaction and that's what it is isn't about you. It's about their own stuff.
Speaker 2:
Your teen or tween is going through a time in their life where the brain isn't developed, their bodies are changing, hormones are rampant and they have a lot of conflicting inner turmoil, not knowing who they really are. Their emotional regulation isn't developed and the thing is that often it's that inner turmoil that breeds all of the external attitude and behaviors that you see. An inner turmoil, it can come from a lot of different places. I mean it could come from like serious situations such as abuse or things like that, or neglect, so that definitely can be a piece of it. But other times, and often in the kids that I see, that inner turmoil comes from conflict with their core values, and most teens and tweens aren't even aware of what that is. And so, for example, if trust is important to them and their best friend betrays them or they tell them something of confidence and they tell someone else, that's very conflicting for a teen. So that's an example of kids that feel conflicted socially because they want to be friends with this person, they want to trust them, but they broke their trust and now they don't know. Your kid doesn't know what to do. They don't understand why. But they also don't understand their own feelings of that inner conflict, that betrayal, and that it is a conflict with their core values. If they knew that then they could maybe make decisions on what that friendship might look like going forward, but instead they're just conflicted inside. They probably will forgive their friend, yet that conflict is still there.
Speaker 2:
And so when teens and tweens feel conflicted socially, it shows up a lot of times in their behaviors and their attitudes and their sass, because they just don't really know how to explain or understand what's going on or what they're really feeling Socially. They can also feel conflicted socially. Maybe they want to be friends with a certain group, like the popular kids, and they don't really fit in. So they might try to go eat lunch with them or something, and maybe the popular kids will talk to them for a minute and then their friends show up and they ignore your child. So then they go back to their old group of friends and it's this like this unknowing of I want to be friends with these kids because they're the cool kids, but they don't really like me. What do I do? So I'm going to go hang out with these other kids, but they're not cool Yet. They were my own friends and I actually have fun with them, but then people are going to judge me. There's so much going on socially and a lot of times kids are going to lose themselves. On the other end, sometimes kids are struggling with a lack of friends and kids who treat them or don't accept them the way that they deserve, and so that lack of confidence, that lack of belief socially, can really impact on how they show up in the behaviors that you might be seeing at home, and so that is an example of inner conflict that is going to impact their behavior.
Speaker 2:
There's always a reason that people show up the way they do Us, our kids, anybody. They may be having conflict, inner conflict, academically. They might be thinking to themselves oh my gosh, it's too hard, I can't do this, I'm not smart enough, I don't understand. It's embarrassing to ask questions. My parents want me to do this. I'm afraid to ask my them, whatever that may be. So why try? So a lot of times a lack of motivation will show up, or it will look like lack of motivation, when really it's this inner conflict.
Speaker 2:
In this inner sense of lack, a lot of teens struggle with their relationship with their self. They don't even know what that is or why it's important. It's not something taught in schools. They aren't aware of their own strengths and values. They haven't fully explored their own likes and dislikes, and they may want to try new things, but they're too afraid of what others will think or of failure. There's so much judgment out there coming at them, but a lot of it is in their heads, right. They don't believe in themselves, they don't really know themselves, they don't trust themselves, they're afraid, and so their relationship with themselves is often non-existent as a tween or a teen until they're taught those skills. And it can be really hard to watch.
Speaker 2:
As a parent, you put all of that together and it's no wonder teens and tweens struggle with relationships with others, including you. Again, they don't know themselves, they don't have the tools to, or they haven't learned the tools to teach them how to deal with conflict. They haven't learned how to accept themselves and find their self-worth, especially with the world they live in. And all the messaging coming at them, all the micro-messaging, all the underlying messages You're not pretty enough, you're not smart enough, you're not good enough, you don't have this, you don't have that and kids internalize this stuff and then they start to believe it. So that impacts the relationship they have with themselves Self-awareness, self-belief, self-acceptance, self-confidence. It's huge, but it is not innate for teens and unless they're being taught these skills, the outer world is going to do a number on them as far as impacting and chipping away their self-esteem. Additionally, they don't have emotional regulation yet. It is not developed. The brain is not fully developed to their 20s, so they don't know how to think before they speak. They're impulsive. They haven't learned how their impact, how their actions impact others, because self-awareness isn't developed, and so that impacts their relationships with others, with you, with their friends, with their teachers, with other adults.
Speaker 2:
And another thing that really impacts the relationship that teenagers have with their parents is trust. It's them trusting you, it's them trusting themselves, but it's also you trusting them. If trust is missing in any of those areas trusting themselves, them trusting you, you trusting them there's going to be a connection gap, there's going to be a communication gap, there's going to be conflict and it's going to impact all of their relationships. So it's really hard to watch as a parent of 18 or tween and, unfortunately, as their parent, you will normally get the brunt of their stuff. That's because you are their safe place to fall. They know that you love them, no matter what and as hard as it is.
Speaker 2:
They need to hear this over and over right, because they're not hearing from the outside world that they're loved and so things like I will always love you, but I'm not liking you right now, trust me, I use that. I use that with Nick a lot. Nick, I'll always love you, I'll always be here for you, but I don't agree with your choices. I don't like who you're being right now. You're being unkind, you're not being a nice person, etc. Etc. But I still will always love you and I will always be here for you. I said that so many times and many times I didn't feel it. I was actually so mad at him and you know I might be. He might have said something really hurtful and I'm literally crying and he's just staring at me like I'm nothing and it's man.
Speaker 2:
It's hard to take. So parenting teens and tweens is hard. So tip number one is try not to take things personally, because their behavior is most likely not about you. Tip number two this isn't forever. Know that this isn't forever. It's temporary. One day they will most likely come back and appreciate you and remembering this can be helpful toward you not beating yourself up, because it's about most likely about them and not you.
Speaker 2:
Don't take things personally. It's temporary and this is really important because remembering this allows you to be kind to yourself and to give yourself grace. So I would encourage you to do something for yourself every day when your teens really aren't giving you anything. Do something for you every day. It's vital for your mental health so that you can not only be the best version of yourself, you can let off steam, you can be somebody that you're proud of and you can remember that you're more than just mom or dad. This is a temporary season in season in life and, while your teens and tweens are pushing you away, it's a good time and you deserve to focus on yourself. You know, do what you can as a parent, be there as much as you can, but maybe it's time to put yourself first, because they're not going to be there forever. This is a season and the chaos won't last forever, but sometimes, when we do things for ourselves, it creates a calm.
Speaker 2:
Number three work on controlling how you show up During those moments when you feel your teenager might not love you or isn't treating you right. Check in with yourself, because that's the only piece you control. So how are you showing up? Are you losing your marbles? Are you meeting emotion with emotion? What are you feeling on the inside? Are you being triggered? Because if you're being triggered. Your triggers are about you and they're about something in your past. Is there something going on within you that needs to be addressed? Then step back and take a deep breath and just evaluate you Again, because that's the only piece you control.
Speaker 2:
Think things like what are the results I want right now? Am I showing up in a way that's going to get me the results I desire? Am I focusing on the things that are within my control? Do I have any of my own stuff to work on that's impacting relationships my relationships with myself, with others, with my kids? How much do I want change? Huge question. How willing am I to do the work? Huge question, because sometimes doing the hard work to work on ourselves isn't fun. So maybe think through that kind of during a calm moment and if you're having a moment of conflict with your kids, you want to think what kind of options do I have in these moments? And that kind of goes back to what do I want out of the situations? It may be best to walk away, take a deep breath, go outside, say something to them like this isn't okay, but I love you too much to argue. We're going to revisit this when I have calmed down and you've calmed down, take a five minute meditation. Go get some nature, do some positive self talk, go into the bathroom, you know, whatever it is, figure out what works for you. What do you need?
Speaker 2:
The bottom line is you don't want to meet emotion with emotion during the tough teen years. As imperative, you care for yourself, but also that your teens and tweens are learning the tools and life skills that they need to get through this time. These are the things that aren't taught in school, because we want our kids, as they leave the nest, to not settle for less than they deserve, to deal with conflict and healthy ways to accept themselves, to feel confident in their own choices and to be a leader in their own life. Right, but it's their life journey. All you can do is impart them with resources and values and morals and teachings and guidance so that they can learn self-awareness, self-belief, self-confidence, self-acceptance. But the sooner they learn this, the more quickly they can put these tools into action and it's going to make their tween years and their teen years so much more enjoyable, not to mention as they move out of the house and into adulthood. It's when they have the tools to believe in themselves and accept themselves and love themselves and have confidence in all of that and not settle for less than they deserve. It can make these years so much more enjoyable for them and for you. It's such a gift. So they don't have to carry feelings of lack, feelings of shame, feelings of not feeling good enough, into adulthood.
Speaker 2:
So if you're going through a tough time with your teen, remember this Do the best you can on having any given day, as long as you do the best you can, even if it's a one out of 10 day, you can go to bed feeling proud of yourself. You can influence and teach your kids, but they own their choices. When they walk out the door, you aren't responsible for them. You can't control your kids. You can only guide them and teach them and love them and all of that stuff within the home. But once they leave your doors, once they walk out, you don't have control over them. They have to work through their own stuff. This is their journey and they may need support.
Speaker 2:
Teenagers have a lot of stuff, but they want to be happy and they want to have a good relationship with their parents. They don't want to feel angst. They don't want to feel the feelings that are making them show up as defiant, sassy, rude. It doesn't feel good. Those feelings don't feel good to them either. They don't have the tools and the skills to be able to manage them, unless they're taught that, because it isn't innate and it's going to be a while before their brains are developed. You have choices.
Speaker 2:
At this point, parents, you can keep doing what you're doing, hope for the best and it might work out. Remember insanity the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results. If you've been doing the same thing for a long time and nothing has changed, then think about if you are willing or wanting to try something new. You might need to get help or support for your team, for your tween, for your family, for yourself, and there's no shame in that. It takes a strong person to take action. That's it. I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Empowered Parent Podcast.
Speaker 2:
Remember this is a season, it's not forever. Tip one again try not to take things personally. Most likely, their actions and behaviors are about them and not you. No, it's not forever, it's temporary. It's a season and time. But that doesn't mean you don't need help and support right now or that they don't Try to control how you show up and work on your own stuff, because that is the only piece that you can control. Sometimes, when we get emotional, how we show up doesn't help the situation. Others have main three tips, and just remember that teenagers want to be happy Sometimes they just need a little help along the way. If what you're doing isn't working, you get to make the decision and you get to make the choice. If you're ready to make the investment of time and energy to try something new so that things aren't the way they are right now, maybe in a couple months. That's it. See you next time, guys. Bye.
Speaker 1:
Thanks for joining us this week on the Empowered Parent Podcast. Be sure to subscribe so you'll never miss a show While you're at it. If you found value in this show, we'd appreciate a rating on iTunes, or if you'd simply tell a friend about the show, that would help us out too. Be sure to head over to rene-sendingcom to pick up some parenting freebies. And remember teenagers want to be happy. Sometimes they just need a little help along the way.