Ever imagined exploring the complexities of parenting teenagers through the exhilarating lens of surfing? That's exactly what this episode offers. We draw striking parallels between the thrill of surfing and the roller-coaster ride of raising teens. From catching an amazing wave to missing one, or even crashing and burning on a big wave - we use these scenarios to expose the life lessons hidden in missed chances and the power of resilience.
Our journey doesn't end there. We transition into examining how just as big wave surfers depend on their ski drivers, we need a supportive crew in our lives. This segment emphasizes the necessity of self-belief and self-worth in teens, especially when selecting friends, ensuring they aren't exploited. Parenting is as challenging as tackling a monster wave, but remember, it's okay to take a breather, figure things out and learn to ride the waves of life. So buckle up for this enlightening, empowering, and undeniably relatable discourse on the parallels between surfing and parenting.
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Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Empowered Parent Podcast with Renee. Being a teenager is hard. Being a parent of a teenager can be even harder. Each episode we deliver tips, tools, tricks and stories to help you feel empowered, confident and energized as the parent of a teenager. Teenagers want to be happy. Sometimes they just need a little help along the way. Now here's your host, renee Sinning. Renee is a certified life leadership and success coach for teenagers and their parents. She's also a mom of three young adults and an experienced high school educator of 18 years. Renee is well-versed in everything teen. Now, without any further ado, here's Renee.
Speaker 2:
Hi parents, it is Renee. Welcome to another episode of the Empowered Parent Podcast. On this podcast episode we are going to talk about learning to surf-ish. I mean, it is summer, right? So I recently watched a big wave surfing documentary called the Hundred Foot Wave, about surfing those mega waves in Navar, portugal. It was actually really awesome.
Speaker 2:
Then today I heard a teeny snippet of a podcast where someone named Dr Scott W Mills, who I hadn't heard of before, used surfing as an analogy for life, and I didn't hear anything he said other than that. But then a light bulb went off in my brain and I was like, yes, that's it. That is the perfect analogy for life and for what we do every day raising teenagers. Because, if you think about it, three things can happen in conjunction with the idea of surfing. Number one, we can catch an awesome wave and ride it. In. Number two, we miss the wave and we have to kind of wait it out and wait for the next wave. And then number three is you hit the big wave but you crash and burn. And it's all relevant to raising teens, not only what we're going through raising teens and tweens, but what they're going through in their everyday life. But guess what? It's all OK, because that is life. We just need to learn how to surf the waves of life, whether they're smooth and calm or tumultuous, whether we're on top of the wave or we're being thrashed around in the midst of the wave. That's life, and so we're going to go through these three scenarios because with every one of us, at some point in our life, we are going to experience all three of them.
Speaker 2:
So scenario number one is you catch the wave and then you write it in. So this is when life is fun and easy. You're riding the wave of life, you're just kind of going down. You've caught the big one, things are going smooth, maybe even exciting or exhilarating, and life is just easier. As a parent of a teen, we love these moments. We love these periods of life because we, as parents, get to take a moment and breathe. Things are working, things are calmer, and so you're just riding the wave. You've caught the good one. It feels good, you feel like you've got it figured out and you know how to surf, because things are going pretty smooth, everyone's in a pretty good spot. So that's one. You're kind of riding the wave, things are smooth, you've figured it out, at least in the moment, and you're feeling good.
Speaker 2:
Scenario number two is you're sitting there kind of waiting for the perfect wave, but you miss it For whatever reason. It goes right by you. Maybe the timing is off. For teens this could look like so many different things, whether it's academically or socially. But that's OK, because even when we miss the wave, when it passes us by, there's lessons there, there's learnings there.
Speaker 2:
It's not fun when we miss out. It's not fun when we miss the big wave or we miss an opportunity, whatever that may be. Maybe your teen wasn't invited to go somewhere. Maybe conflicting schedules caused a missed opportunity. Maybe you're feeling alone and tied down in the midst of parenting and feel like the waves are just passing you by. They're just you're missing all of them. You're just floating along.
Speaker 2:
Whatever situation, there's always going to be messages and lessons within those missed opportunities. If we can step back and kind of take a different view, if we could step back and be a spectator for a moment. So in this movie, the Hundred Foot Wave, where there's an old think it on a lighthouse or something, but it's kind of a viewing point now, where all of these spectators are up above watching these big wave surfers wave or ride these massive waves, and so when you have a missed wave, it's kind of like if we can be the spectator up on that lighthouse, kind of watching that missed opportunity and using that as an opportunity to get curious about what's going on. So is this really a missed opportunity, or is there something more for me? Is there something more for my teen or tween? Yes, you might be feel like you're getting caught up in the muck of parenting which is totally understandable, by the way and you might feel like you're missing all kinds of opportunities. You might even feel like you've kind of lost yourself in the moment, because that's easy to do when we're raising teens In tweens. But what is one thing I can do for me? So it's taking that spectator view, it's view, it's standing up in the lighthouse In watching what's going on and getting curious.
Speaker 2:
You may have missed a wave, your team may have with missed a wave, but you can catch another one. What might that be? And so that is scenario two. So scenario one again is things are going good. You caught the big wave, you're riding it in your exhilarated Things feel good. At the end of that, you're feeling excited, but also calm, like you figured it out. You got the big wave and you figured it out and you're just going along and it's awesome. So we love those moments in time.
Speaker 2:
Scenario two is you miss the big wave. You're out there waiting for and waiting for and waiting for it. For kids that might be Waiting for the right friend, waiting for the right friend group, whatever that looks like, and it hasn't come yet. You're missing it. It's passing you by, but maybe there's a reason for that, maybe that wasn't the way for you, maybe that wasn't the friend for your teens, and so is it really a missed opportunity? Or can I get something out of it? And so that's a great time to get curious. And then scenario number three Is when you catch the wave but then you crash and burn.
Speaker 2:
Other times, when we're riding the waves of life, just like out there in Navarre, we are going to have crashes where we get caught in the power and turmoil of outside forces. This is so common raising teens in tweens, because there are so many outside influences and it's easy to get caught up in that. It's easy to lose a sense of ourselves, it's easy to crash and burn. I mean, there's so many different scenarios and we feel pulled in all directions. We might feel that way, our kids might feel all way.
Speaker 2:
Those are the times in life when you're being tumbled or thrashed about to the point that you or your teen might feel like you're drowning. Right, that happens with big wave surfers. If they crash and burn in the middle of one of those 100 foot waves or 80 foot waves, they are getting tumbled around, they're getting thrashed around. They literally can feel like they're drowning. Some people actually do drown, and so it happens to everybody. And knowing that we are gonna have these big wave crashes in life, it's gonna happen, right? We're human beings. That is life. Sometimes we all crash and burn and it might take some time to regroup, but it's still just one wave. Again, it's that perspective piece. It's one wave and that one wave could be huge and it could take some time to come out the other end, but it is still one wave. And, yes, that particular wave might take you down, might take down your kids, might jostle you around a bit.
Speaker 2:
As a parent, it's hard enough to go through those kind of smashers of our own, let alone to watch our kids crash and burn. But the truth is that that's how we learn and grow, and that's where life's lessons come from. It's how your kids are gonna figure out how to do things on their own. The resiliency comes from those crashes and burns when we can't do it for them and parents I'm inserting a big heart emoji for you right now because it's really hard to watch our kids crash and burn. But there are so many lessons and again, if we can go up in the lighthouse and kind of look down at those crashes and burns after the fact and look back at it, chances are you're going to see the lessons, you're gonna see the learnings, you're gonna see the growth and there's a good chance you're even gonna see pride Pride in your kids, pride in yourself, because you survived. You survived the crash and burn. Yes, life took you down and it took a nick out of you, but you got back up and you learned from that.
Speaker 2:
So the key to getting through these teen and tween years is to learn to surf all the waves and to teach our kids to surf all the waves, even the Jostlers, because the waves are never gonna stop. When one wave ends good or bad, crash or burn, or the mega hundred foot wave where you caught it and did it amazing. When one wave ends, another begins as hard as it is in any one moment. It's just that it's a moment, it's a single wave of life. Some of those waves are gonna take longer to recover from, and that's okay, but it's still a wave. Other waves are going to keep coming, just like the big life, big wave surfers. You can't do it alone, right? And so the question is how do you learn to surf? How do we teach our kids to surf the waves of life?
Speaker 2:
So three tips. Number one is equip yourself and your teen with the skills or tools that you need and that they need in their specific life to surf the waves of their situation. Not everything is going to be innate for your teens, and a lot of those skills and tools they do need to be taught. So that's number one equip yourself with the tools that you need. Equip your teens with the tools that they need to surf the waves of life. Whatever this looks like for you and for them, it's going to be different for everyone. It may, you may need some outside support, and that's okay too, whether that is working with a coach, seeing a doctor, meditation, whatever, that is. Whatever tools and skills that you need and they need.
Speaker 2:
Do whatever you can to equip them and yourself so that you can ride the waves of life and get through those crashes and burns feeling good about who you are, not allowing it to take a chink or chip out of your armor, not allowing it to take a chip out of your kids self-worth or self-esteem, because it's a wave and when you learn how to ride it and when you have the skills and tools to get through that, you and they are going to come out the other end stronger and more resilient. And that is my passion, as you know, is that not allowing the waves of life to take a chip out of who you are and to make, and not allowing anyone to make you feel less about who you are. Teen self-esteem and teen self-worth, in my opinion, is the number one key to getting through those those hard waves of life, because if you have that piece, if you believe in yourself, if you accept yourself, if you know that you're enough, you're gonna get through everything. Might be painful, might hurt, but you're gonna get through it feeling good about who you are. So that is number one equip yourself and your team with the skills you need to learn to surf.
Speaker 2:
Number two surround yourself with the right people, those people who are on your side, those people who want to see you succeed. The big wave surfers. They have their ski drivers, the drivers that on the jet skis, and those drivers help them find the perfect wave and they're also there when they crash. So it's the same thing in life surround yourself with your own ski drivers. Those people they're gonna help you find the perfect wave for you, that are gonna support you when you're there, when you ride the perfect wave, they're gonna lift you up. They're not gonna pull you down and be jealous and compare you. They're going to lift you up. But also, when you crash, your ski drivers, your people, are going to be there to help you get through the crash. So surround yourself with the right people.
Speaker 2:
We want teens to surround themselves with the right people, with the right friends, with the right friend group. Not allow themselves to be walked over, not allow, not to allow themselves to be taken advantage of. But in order for that to happen, they again have to believe that they're worthy and they have to have that self-worth and that self-belief. So that goes back to tip number one equipping them with the tools and skills so they have that, so they believe in themselves, that they know their strength, that they know their power, that they know that they're worth and they don't surround themselves with people that tear them down, because there's a lot of toxic teen friendships out there and they can really do a number on our kids. And then number three is don't give up.
Speaker 2:
Parenting is so hard. Whether you're riding an awesome wave or in the midst of a crash and burn, whether your teen is riding an awesome wave or in the midst of a crash and burn, know that the waves are going to keep coming. They're never gonna stop, but there's always going to be another wave. So even in the midst of the tough waves, there's going to be more. So we just got to learn to surf the waves, whether they're the good ways, whether the tough ways, whether the crash and burns. Learn to serve the waves of life. Surround yourself with the skills, tools and people that are going to help you serve the waves of life in your particular situation. Don't be afraid to ask for help. When you get jostled, that's okay. Know that there's another wave coming, and teach this to your kids. Teach your kids about the waves of life, because it's forever right. They are going to keep coming. And when you learn those skills and tools, when you have the right people around you, even through the tough moments, things are going to be easier.
Speaker 2:
You aren't alone, parents. You are not the only one going through your stuff. Your kids are not the only one going through their stuff. Don't be afraid to reach out for help or support. Feel free to send me a text message if you're curious about coaching and teen coaching.
Speaker 2:
I love, love, love working with teens and families. I am so passionate about teen self-worth and teen self-esteem. I've seen so many kids fall through the cracks and it is really hard and I've been there as a parent where our own child fell through the cracks, if you know some of our stories. And it's not fun, but you can come out the other end. It's a wave. That wave may last a while or it may be short lived, but there's going to be another wave coming and as long as you have the skills, tools and people and support, you'll get through it, because we're all worth it. You're worth it. Your kids are worth it.
Speaker 2:
Don't allow anybody to ever make you feel less about who you are. That's a message I give teens all the time. But that's also a message for you. Don't allow anyone to make you feel less about who you are. Sometimes it's our kids that make us feel less, and that's another episode. But you are worthy. We do the best we can Give yourself kudos and yeah, you got this. Learn to surf the waves, learn to surf. If we can all learn to surf, life's going to be easier. See you next time, everybody, bye.
Speaker 1:
Thanks for joining us this week on the Empowered Parent Podcast. Be sure to subscribe so you'll never miss a show While you're at it. If you found value in this show, we'd appreciate a rating on iTunes, or if you'd simply tell a friend about the show, that would help us out too. Be sure to head over to reneasendingcom to pick up some parenting freebies. And remember teenagers want to be happy. They just need a little help along the way.